Digital Irritation: Diary of a Nursing Student

Under Pressure

2006-03-15T13:49:00.000-08:00

Surprise! It's been about three months since my last post, and the pressure to make this fantastic is huge. If I haven't written in three months, I've got to come back with a bang! Well, I don't know if that's the case but here it goes.

School
School is good, but it's kicking my ass this semester. From day one we've been in class or clinicals about 40 hours per week, reading at least two hundred pages per week and writing papers and taking tests like you wouldn't believe. I have been completely immersed in nursing, with no time to do anything fun like sleep, go to movies or go to my interpretive dance classes. If I can't dance I can't live. But, they say that this is the hardest semester, and they better be right. But, I'm actually feeling more nurse-y, so the school is working. I've been able to work with sick kids (so sad and hard), help take care of adults and witness an abdominal tumor removal surgery (awesome, way better than the Discovery Health Channel), and be in the room when a couple's first child was born (one of the most amazing things, I might want to do that for a living). I can't quite see the light at the end of the tunnel, but the air on my face is feeling a little bit fresher and I'm convinced that an end to this whole school thing is in sight.

Work
I am not only going to school I decided to become an RA this semester. Now I am not just the Old Lady Who Lived in the Dorm, I'm the powerhungry RA looking to bust any willing to break rules in front of me. I was moved into an apartment with three 18-year old girls. They are all really sweet, but young. Just the other night I was given a measuring tape and asked to measure whose "bubble butt" was the biggest. It's a surprise a minute around here. Being an RA is very interesting. So far, someone has been in trouble for peeing in a community microwave, peeing on the side of the building, throwing a huge party and then locking themselves out then denying the existance of the party and trying to convince the RAs that one fo their buddies must have broken in and thrown a party while they weren't home. I've knocked on doors at 11:00 pm and 3:30am because people were complaining about noise. I've only called the cops once, but I'm confident that there will be more before the semester is through. I dream of the day when I will be able to have a "normal" job, it won't be 9-5, but I won't have to worry about inspecting the microwave before I make popcorn.

Life
As I said, I dont' have much time for life. So, I will take a moment to comment on that of others. I hae noticed a lot of women wearing fanny packs lately. I don't know if I am noticing them more or if there are more out there. Are they making a comeback? Could this glorious news be true? I've still got my day-glow orange fanny pack from 4th grade, waiting patiently for the day when it would be acceptable for me to wear it again.

I must be getting old because I have been really disturbed by the news that Nick Lachey is possibly dating Kristin from Laguna Beach. I'm not disturbed because it hasn't been very long since the big breakup, or because I was holding out for Kristin and Talon to get together. I'm upset because he is 31 years old and she is one year out of high school. If it becomes acceptable for these two to date despite the age difference, then I, as a single woman, am screwed. Women my age will be skipped over in favor of high school seniors. Yuck! Oh well, if that's what they want then I don't want them anyway.

What else? I'm on Spring Break right now, and I'm loving every minute of it. School's fun, but vacations and sleeping in are way funner. Yes, I just said funner, felt it has a little more impact. I guess that's it for now. I will try to write more consistently. We start working in the psych ward in clinicals after break. That should be very interesting. I have nightmares of One Flew Over the Coockoo's (I just realized that I don't think that i can spell that word) Nest.

Tah, tah.

No More School, No More Books, No More Teacher's Dirty Looks!

2005-12-08T10:38:00.000-08:00

I'm am writing this blog a little prematurely, but I'm so excited I can't help myself. And, if there's one thing I do well, it's avoid studying at any and all costs.

I am about to be finished with my first semester of nursing school!! Yeah, I'm a little bit excited. I've survived giving oral (medications that is), learning to bathe someone, giving injections, assessing everything from pregnancy to neurological function to testicles, tests, tons of reading and sleeplessness, teaching preschoolers how to stay healthy, a stint in a nursing home, and two emotional breakdowns. But, I've made it through and at this point that's all that matters. One year from now I will be all finished and hopefully working because I have a ton of student loans that need to be paid off.

So, what have I learned so far? Meth makes people really fun to hang out with, at least for a little while. If you feel the symptoms of an oncoming heart attack (chest pain, pain up and down you left arm and up into your neck) and can't get to help in time the best thing to do cough as hard as you can because the compression of your lungs will stimulate some movement of blood through your system. Although they're fun to watch, most medical shows really don't portray life in a hospital correctly. The liver can detoxify 15 mL of alcohol per hour. If the tops of one's ears are lower than their eyes it could be a sign of metal retardation or low IQ. When a pregnant woman's water breaks, usually 5 quarts of amniotic fluid are released (that's over a gallon). These are just a few fun facts. I could bore you with a million more. I love this stuff.

Next semester I'll be helping women deliver babies, helping those with general illnesses and recovering from surgerys, working with psych patients and working with kids. We are going to learn how to properly insert catheters, and how to remove them. We are going to learn how to start an IV and draw blood, among other things. Anyone want to volunteer? I will need someone to practice on. Could anything be more fun?

I plan on spending my brief break Christmas shopping, catching up on my sleep a little, working and reading. My homework for next semester is already assigned and it's an insane amount of stuff. Just when I'm happy and confident that I've got this all figured out rumors of my upcoming semester and it's challenges start looming over my head. I'll ignore it for now. There's nothing wrong with that, right? I'll bask in the glory of having one semester down, only three more to go.

I Want to Play....

2005-11-19T15:13:00.000-08:00

I love this game and had to play to!

1. Erin needs another miracle. Enough said. Walking on water pleased the people for awhile, but they are already demanding more.

2. Erin needs what every girl needs, a c*#k that measures inthe double digits. Don't I know it. There are a lot of entries along this line. What is that trying to tell me?

3. Erin needs to go to bed! 90% of the time this is true, but who has the time to sleep? Although I had the best nap today....

4. Erin needs to concentrate on her surf lines and understand that one Phil Collins is enough. What, one is enough? I refuse to go on without more Phil Collins in my life. My surfing will suffer greatly from this.

5. Erin needs to wear shirts. This can't be true. Does the world truly not enjoy my topless antics?

I'm Fighting the Urge to Stuff My Bra...

2005-11-03T19:52:00.000-08:00

I loved this title, but now am afraid that my entry won't live up to it, but I'll give it a try anyway...

I am about to go on a second date with a guy who I might really be interested in. This hasn't happened to me in a very long time. I have been happily single for a while now and really thought that I would be dateless for the next year (only 13 months left!) of school. Well, I've always heard that this sort of thing finds you when you least expect it. I'm not going to go into details, but I'm really excited and nervous about this, I'm just not good at dating/relationship stuff. Time will help me figure it all out I guess.

Anyway, on to nurse-y stuff since this an electronic journal of my quest to become an RN and I have done a horrible job keeping it up. I had my first real clinical experience today- in a community medical clinic. I followed a nurse around helped out to the best of my ability. I gave my first shot to a stranger, and thanked my lucky stars that it was a grown up and not a 2 year old in need of immunizations. She didn't seem to be too bothered by my injection and my instructor said that I did pretty well, despite forgetting one very tiny detail. No, it's really nothing to worry about, my teacher said it was fine. I also saw my first cervix, a sentence that not everyone in this world can utter. Overall, it was a fun day, although I have realized that clinic nursing is not my bag, baby.

Let's see. Two tests next week, about 250 pages to read for next week and one fabulous trip to Disneyland to distract me from it all. Isn't life grand?

That's it for now. I'm not going to stuff, although having the extra Kleenex on hand would be nice. Wish me luck!

Tales from the Dorm

2005-10-23T09:31:00.000-07:00

First, an update. I have been given the okay to go forth and inject! I passed my test and now have about two weeks before I have to stress about the next one. I am now back to my normal, happily single state. Thanks for the words of comfort. I'll try to skip the self-wallowing next time.

On to the fun stuff. I quit my job (for now) and this weekend is my last weekend. I told my boss that right now working four days a week was just too much with school. (I didn't tell him that working that much and making no money was the real problem for me.) As a final insult he scheduled me for four shifts this weekend; Friday night, Saturday night and all day today. Needless to say, he's not my favorite person at the moment.

So, I got home last night and dedicated myself to catch up on the reading I have been avoiding all week. Well, that didn't last long. My eyes tend to have trouble staying open when I'm curled up in my bed reading about heart sounds. I woke up in my book around midnight to the sounds of some of my fellow dorm residents running up and down the halls screaming at the top of their lungs. Not wanting to feel like the "Old Woman Who Lives in the Dorm" I put on my iPod (thanks for all the great music Matt!), mumbled "Crazy kids" and tried to go back to sleep. I was awakened again at 3:30 to the sounds of sex coming from the dorm room next door to me. Loud sex, I couldn't block it out completely with my iPod. I eventually fell back to sleep, but it took awhile. Too top it all off, I found the source of the mystery smell in our apartment this morning, revealed by the light of day. My roommates seem to have trouble doing dishes, or even rinsing dishes for that matter. My apartment smells like old crusty dish food that has been sitting in the sink for a lot of days. How many more months are there until August?

TTFN!

PS- Borborygmi is the scientific word for the sounds your stomach make when it's hungry. So much for the game.

Stress Relief

2005-10-19T09:12:00.000-07:00

I am usually a calm person and stress hasn't ever really effected me before. Well, that has changed since I entered nursing school. Aside from many nights awake at night I have had two crying episodes and quite a few phone calls to my mom for comfort.

Today is one of my least favorite days. It's check off day. I am getting graded (pass/fail) on how well I can administer an injection. The idea that forgetting one tiny thing could fail me is stress enough. But now I have to worry about jamming a needle into my partner without hesitation. That's what's really getting me.

I'm a little nervous, so I decided to make myself a bowl of Life and write a quick blog. No good stories today. It's depressing to look back on the last few weeks and have no highlights but school. But, such is life.

I attended a wedding this weekend (it was beautiful Brianna!!). Weddings always make me think about my current relationship status: nonexistant. I'm very content being single and I wouldn't go back to my past relationship for anything (he was a cheerleader for the Denver Nuggets now, but not gay, I don't think). It's been so long since I've been in a relationship that I'm afraid I wouldn't know how to act. I love that I can go out and not have to answer to anyone. I can pick up and go out of town for a weekend without having to worry about attachments. I can travel and see the world through nursing when I'm finishing school and not have to worry about the needs and wants of another person. But, I want to experience life with someone someday. Seeing other couples in love is helping to prepare me for when it's right for me. Wow, this got sad and sappy really quick.

I'll end with a game. I am giving you a health term and I want you to come up with a definition. No Google or dictionaries, that's just cheating. If you want to play, post in my comments.

The word is Borborygmi

Good luck!

Yawngasm

2005-10-13T21:32:00.000-07:00

I just learned the most bizarre thing and had to share it with the rest of the world. I was literally reading my Pharmacology (drug) textbook read the passage that I am about to describe, dropped my book and ran over to my computer. If there was ever something to blog about this is it.

I am reading a chapter about Antidepressants and the different drugs that can treat it. One of the types of drugs used to treat depression are called tricyclic antidepressants. They are a pretty mild treatment and appear to be quite effective. Apart from that, they also tend to create a phenomena called a yawngasm. Yes, you guessed it, a spontaneous orgasm when one yawns. How wild is that? It kind of inspires one to tinker with depression. It makes me think differently about all the yawning that goes on in some of my classes. They say that yawning is contagious....

Just a random thought I thought I'd share with ya'll. I've got to go and finish my reading. Diana i'm sorry that this is not a very beefy entry, maybe next time.

Day 27: A Tale of Seventy Weiners

2005-09-27T22:34:00.000-07:00

Get your mind out of the gutter, I'm not talking about those....

As a little girl I loved hotdogs. I would have eaten them (no bun and ketchup) for every meal if my mom had let me. I always loved singing "I Wish I Were an Oscar Mayer Weiner." I never truly wished to be a Weiner, but I loved being able to spell it. Who doesn't want everyone to be in love with them? I always thought that it'd be cool to be able to sing in an Oscar Mayer commercial, my one yearning for stardom. That dream eventually diminished but I still harbor the desire to one day ride in the Oscar Mayer Weiner-mobile. It's on my list of things to do.

This is why I am slightly distressed about tomorrow at school. Tomorrow at approximately 9am 70 hot dogs will be released from the security of their plastic wrapping and laid out, one each, in front of 70 bright eyed nursing students. Those innocent dogs will be forced to silently endure what I can only imagine will be a horrible ordeal. Tomorrow is the day that we, as first semester nursing students, learn how to give injections. We will each be armed with a syringe, most likely for the first time, and told to inject the frankfurters just under their skin. I'm sure that we'll poke our victims more than once to achieve this goal.

For you tomorrow may mean a boring day at the office, a long day on your feet, or any other numerous struggles and hardships. But just be glad that you're not one of those innocent hot dogs facing 70 excited nursing students with needles in their trembling hands. Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener....

By the way, I may need a few willing subjects to practice on, anyone interested?

Two Entries in One Night = Lots of Homework I'm Avoiding

2005-09-07T22:50:00.000-07:00

Alright, Diana tagged me and I'm dying to play this game too.

Seven Things I will Never Do

1. I will never own a pair of pants or shorts with a word like "Juicy" or "Angel" written across the ass. No matter how juicy my ass might be, I don't need to advertise. And really, not everyone has a trunk that needs to have the words "Hottie" stretched across them.

2. I will never be a NASCAR fan. The cars, the beer, the fans, the cigarettes. It's just too fast-paced a lifestyle for me. All that driving in a circle, I just get bored. And, as a currently single lady, I refuse to date a man that doesn't have all of his teeth. It may be stereotypical, but I'm thinking that the portion of the population that enjoys NASCAR doesn't hold dental hygiene in high regard. So why waste my time.

3. I will never be a vegetarian. I appreciate those who can do it, but I'm too much of a meat girl to be able to give it up.

4. I will never find a platform where my horrible singing would be accepted. I sing like crazy in my car but would suffer utter humiliation if I did it in public. That show on VH1 where they hide the camera in the car and film people singing is my worst nightmare.

5. I will never lie to man and tell him that his toupee or comb over looks natural. Just let the hair go....

6. I will never ever understand why Tony Danza thought a great way to revitalize his career was by having his own talk show.....

7. I will never be a Vegas showgirl. I can't dance and I really don't think I could fit into any of those outfits. But, I've resigned myself to the fact that the life portrayed in Showgirls is only reserved for a select few. I'll just have to jealously watch from afar....

Wow, that was tough. Hope you all enjoyed it.

Nursing School: Day 13

2005-09-07T22:16:00.000-07:00

Hey Kids,

So it's been what, two months since I've posted anything. In that time I've returned home from the beach, moved into a dorm apartment with three other girls, started waiting tables at an Italian restaurant and started nursing school.

Where should I begin? Living in the dorms at 25.... That's a good place to start. My roomates and I seem to be getting along pretty well. When I found out they all just turned 20 I was a little nervous. I didn't want to be the "old one" that they talk about behind my back. They may still do this, but I'm over it. I've gotten used to the kids playing in the courtyard of the freshman area. I know that there are others like me here, so I'm feeling pretty comfortable.

My new restaurant is fun. But thinking about it reminds me of something I want to tell the world. The other day I had a customer that completely didn't acknowledge my existence. I would come up to the table and she would start up a conversation about the food being bad or about the service being bad. I was standing at the table checking on them and she turned to her husband and actually said "Where is that girl to fill our waters?" Servers are people to, so please acknowledge us. We're working really hard for very little money. Treat us like human beings! I am able to deal with a lot of shit with a smile (yes, literally shit), but this lady was such a bitch. She totally got under my skin.

Enough about that. I am hoping to continue documenting my journey into the health care field with this blog. It may not be a fun read, but it will be fun for me to look back on. I'm such a nerd, but I am so excited about school. I had to buy seventeen books (that's over $500 my friends) and I know that at some point in the coming months I am going to have to read most of all of them. I have clinicals, papers, and tons of practical homework. Between work and school, sleep and I will not be close, but that's what Dr. Pepper and coffee are for.

Today we practiced giving oral in lab.

Get your minds out of the gutter, we learned how to give oral medications (pills and liquids and stuff). When my professor lectured about this subject she talked about the difference between oral and other medications. She said that oral is the best method because it's what people like the most. People will follow an oral plan more than any other. As a nurse we give the people what they want. If oral is what they want, then I'm supposed to give them oral whenever possible. There were a handful of us in class that couldn't keep a straight face. Is there a part of me that's still an immature 12 year old or is that not really funny?

I guess that's it for now. Hope this entry lives up to the expectation for my next entry that I'm sure has been growing over the past few weeks. I'll try to keep it up.

Oh and to the tool who's advertising on my blog. Get bent! (Okay, that's not very intimidating but I couldnt' come up with anything. Anyone have any ideas?)

An Update...

2005-07-07T19:15:00.000-07:00

I know that there are those of you out there that seek out this blog for a laugh, a cringe, a good story to pass on to others, or for everyday advice that only a nursing student can give. I have been lax in publishing entries and I am sorry. Oh wait, I temporarily forgot that two people read my blog. Matt, Diana, I'm sorry. I've been lazy.

So, what's been going on? Last week was really fun. Diana came and visited and we did a lot of fun local touristy stuff. It was so nice to have a friend to hang out with. When she left, my mom came into town and stayed for the long weekend. On the 4th we got up early and drove downtown by the water and rode bikes along the coast and then we took a ferry to Coronado Island and rode around there. I think that we probably ended up riding 6 or 7 miles in all. It was a beautiful day but I was really worn out. I missed out on fireworks this year. I was kind of upset but I'll survive. There's always next year. After my mom left it was back to work.

I went to this really cool little Irish pub this weekend, too. It was brought over "brick by brick" from Ireland and it looks exactly what I think a pub in Ireland must look like. We were enjoying a few post baseball game drinks when three very attractive Irishmen decided to join us. All three were in medical school, talked in these awesome brogues, and were just in the country for the summer. They were really fun lads, and were asked to stop singing two or three times by management. Apparently, that is the norm in a real Irish bar, but not tolerated in an American Irish bar. Colleen told them about her position and offered her card in case they wanted to come check it out. The moment when the cutest one, Sean Patrick Something-or-Other, and I really started to hit it off, one of his buddies got kicked out of the pub. They all left really fast after that, before we could exchange numbers or anything. I'm afraid that a reunion is not going to happen but it was fun to spend a few hours with the countrymen of my ancestor's.

I don't really have any good work stories. In the ER I helped bandage the feet of a man who had gotten drunk at a bonfire and tried to walk through the coals of the fire. (A helpful hint from Nurse Erin- I don't advise it unless you are trying to get a doctor's note to get out of work. We actually hand those out, it's kind of cool.) I worked in OB with mom's and new babies and actually got to watch a circumscision. Poor little guy! I felt really weird at the end of it, kind of hot and had to leave the room for a second. I hope that this doesn't signal the end of my medical career.

Last week I learned how to remove a catheter. One of the nurse's asked me to remove it from a patient, and I asked her if she could show me. I'd never even seen it done. Well she said that she'd have me do it so that I could learn. She said this right in front of the patient and it was kind of funny to see all of the color drain out of his face. Well, I did it correctly because the guy said it was pretty painless, and if I'd done it wrong it would have been very painful. I was pretty excited about that.

I know this is long, I'm going to stop it now. I feel the need to start adding pictures, but don't know of what. I don't think that I can photograph my patients and add pictures to enhance my stories. Something about a HIPPA violation. I don't know. Who'd want to see that anyway? I have started a mullet-cam with my phone. It's amazing how many there are out there and I'm taking it upon myself to document them. Maybe that will be my first photo enstallment. Until then....

Father's Day

2005-06-23T21:58:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday was Father's Day, as we are all aware. This has never been a holiday that I have celebrated, considering that I didn't meet my "father" until I was 23. Now that I am in the same city as he is, I feel the need to see him. I can't decide if I want to see him or just feel compelled to. Regardless of this, I made plans to meet up with him and his sons last Sunday. I didn't realize that I made plans with him on Father's Day until after the deal had been done. My "father," I like to call him Biological Bill, said that he would call me on Sunday and I'd meet up with him and boys at the beach.

I planned on canceling on Bill when he called on Sunday, but he never did. I was so pissed! This guy, who left my pregnant mother and seemingly didn't turn back, made plans with me on Father's Day and then never called. Was I upset because I wanted to spend the day with him? NO! Was I upset that he didn't call? Not really. Just surprised that this was how things are going to be.

I've been contemplating family and what constitutes family. To some, family follows strictly blood lines. To others, friends are closer family than blood will ever be. I am realizing that family can be a mixture of both. Just because there is a blood relationship, I don't have to try and force a familial bond if I don't want to. I know who is family to me, and I don't have to force myself to widen my circle if I am uncomfortable with it. I don't regret the connection I made with Bill, I just don't know how long I want to pursue it.

I am working an all night shift in the ER this weekend. It's not a full moon, but the freaks often come out at night. Stay tuned....

Father's Day

2005-06-23T21:57:00.000-07:00

Advice from a Soon to be Nurse

2005-06-23T21:43:00.000-07:00

I want to start this post with an apology. I have noticed as of late that much of my conversation with others has dabbled in the disgusting. I am a victim of my job. All I know right now is what I am doing to help my patients in the hospital. It frightens me, however, that much of what I want to talk and blog about revolves around this particular subject. If you are tired of reading more of Erin's disgusting work stories, please stop here. I still don't have a story that even comes near maggots living in a man's anus, although this one concerns the same reason.

One of the great things about what I am studying right now is that I am experiencing a variety of physical maladies that I always heard about but never really understood. One of these maladies is hemorrhoids. (I feel so intellectually inadequate because of my blog topic tonight but it's just one of those things that I have to blog about.) Hemorrhoids, for those of you who don't know, are veins that move from inside the colon to outside the body due to excessive straining. It is a very painful condition, so I hear. I had a patient this week who had the worst case of hemorrhoids that I have ever seen. It's one of those things you don't really want to talk about, but it's my weirdo story of the week.

I won't go into detail, I just want to give a little advice. Eat lots of fiber and don't force your body to do anything that it's not ready to do. Relax and let it come naturally. Wow, I feel that I have really sunk low with this one.

Penises and Earthquakes...

2005-06-17T21:34:00.000-07:00

Ever since I began to pursue medicine I can not get enough of medical related stuff. I watch way more of the Discovery Health Channel then I am comfortable admitting. I have this curiosity to learn as much as I can about this subject which I am only getting to know. One of the things that I was curious about was the penis, uncircumcised. I don't claim to have a lot of experience with men so the number of penises that has crossed through my bedroom door is pretty low. I was curious about men who are uncircumcised because without seeing it for myself I couldn't picture it. Well, this job has satisfied that curiosity. When one is in the hospital just about every shred of dignity is taken from them. They eat when they are told, are awakened constantly through the night for innane reasons and just about anyone feels that they have the right to walk in and lift up the meager, backless gown that they are given to cover themselves. I try to be as conscious as I can about conserving the few shreds of dignity that I can, but it's tough. I have seen more people naked in the last two weeks then most people will see in a lifetime. As a result of this mass of nakedness I have seen my first (and second and third...) uncircumcised penis. And I'll tell ya', it wasn't exactly what I expected. I think that my all time favorite Seinfeld line is quite appropriate here. Elaine says, about the penis, "I don't know how you guys walk around with those things."

There have been five large earthquakes in this region of the US in the last five days. There is talk that the small quakes can just be evidence that "the big one" is on it's way. When I lived here as a kid I remember this same talk of "the big one" and for a little while I was quite afraid of the whole thing. I was so young I easily bought into the hype. People here have always said that California is going to break off along the San Andreas fault and go off on it's own into the ocean. What would they talk about on the local news if there wasn't groundless panic to spread to the masses? The news over the course of the last five days has consisted largely of various experts with conflicting reports on whether a bigger quake will or will not hit. And then there were the tsunami warnings.... It all just gets a little ridiculous sometimes.

That's all for tonight. I know it's random, but it's what's on my mind. Hmm, penises and earthquakes.... What would a psychiatrist think about that?

Strange Bedfellows...

2005-06-13T21:13:00.000-07:00

I am not leading the craziest life in my summer city. I work, hang out with a new friend I made every once in awhile and read a lot. This lack of a glitzy, sparkling social life will explain this blog. It is not entirely exciting but I felt a need to post it these stories anyway.

Thursday morning...

I woke up on Thursday morning at 5am to get ready for work. I was startled to find only half of my body on my bed (a luxurious twin mattress on a floor, but the accomodations are free!). My head was completely off the pillow and the blankets were only covering about a third of me. I know that right now you are thinking this story could not be more boring... but there's more. The reason why I was completely thrown out of bed was not because of a night of wild dreams or wild sex. It was because of a 60lb. chocolate lab named Chip. Chip has been spooning with me many of the nights that I have been here. Wednesday I made the mistake of letting Chip crawl between the wall and myself and when I woke up he was completely stretched out on my bed with his head on my pillow. I had been shoved out of bed by a dog. It was a low morning. Isn't my life here exciting? Maybe I should try the story again except this time Chip is a hot firemen who loves to give a good massage and I was thrown out of bed after a night of wild sex.... Yeah, I like it!

The Ewww Bar has been raised...

I have only been working at the hospital for three weeks, and I have already seen a lot of gross things. However, a patient that I had on Thursday really took the cake. He was a detox patient, alcohol being his drug of choice, and had been arrived at the hospital the night before. When I went in to check on him during my initial morning round he was out cold and his arms were in restraints, essentially tied to the bed. I knew he would be an interesting one. I woke him up for breakfast and he didn't know where he was. He realized he was tied to the bed and got really mad. He was threatening to the two of us that were in the room, but we had to stay to feed him. He kept talking about knives and how he'd use them on us. The girl who was training me and I were both able to handle him restrained but neither of us wanted to have to deal with him without his restraints. As we were feeding him breakfast during a particular choice rant about prison and how many "motherfuckers he'd cut up" his nurse came in and said that we should be very careful around him he had a condition. My trainer and I are both good about taking the proper precautions and thought we'd be okay. She continued to say that his condition was in his stool and we should be really careful with it. The man smelled hideous so I was not looking forward to coming into contact with his stool, I thought it couldn't get worse then that. But, I was wrong. The man had anal maggots, and they would come out in his stool. How disgusting is that?

My advice to all the kids out there is this. Try and avoid taking a dump in a field while sitting on or near the ground. A good crouch is the best way to go. One does not know what lives in the soil and the anus is an environment that makes maggots thrive.

It is amazing how much we take good health for granted. I am realizing more and more how lucky I am. You should to. No matter how bad life gets, at least your not the guy with anal maggots. I don't even know how they get those out, although there must be a way. God I hope there is...

To Bikini or not to Bikini...

2005-06-08T11:03:00.000-07:00

I have been about 10 miles from the beach for over a week now and I have not yet visited. As a child growing up here I lived on the beaches during the summer and I have pined away for them ever since I moved away. Today is the day I am making the trek with towel, sunscreen and beach chair in hand. But, there is a problem...

At the beginning of the summer I bought a bikini; not because I looked hot in it in the store because of my potential to look hot in it. I decided it would be my goal to fit in it by the end of the summer, my summer quest. Well, since that fateful day at Mervyns I have lost almost ten pounds (okay 8 but it sounds better when I round up). I think that my new career and less stressful lifestyle have afforded me the time and energy to eat better and exercise on a regular basis. And walking the floors of the hospital constantly during twelve hour shifts doesn't hurt either.

I tried the bikini on this morning, and it looks much better on me than it did at Mervyns, but still not perfect. I want to wear it to the beach not to show off my bod but to get a nice tan. Part of me says go for it, it doesn't look horrible and I'm going to the beach alone so what does it matter? The rest of me says "Wait Erin, are you just wearing the rose colored glasses of weight loss and you still look quite large. Screw the tan and put on your old standby (which by the way seems to be developing some weak spots where the material is starting to rub away. Sexy right?) ."

It is so strange that I felt the need to blog about this dilemma before I left the house. I guess that this is what it is here for, but how silly do I sound? I love that there is now a medium where I can yak on about the most innane things and it doesn't matter. I don't care if anyone is reading it or not, I just had to get it out there and out of my head. Where would we be if some of the great thinkers of our past had been able to clear their minds of the innane and really get down to business? I guess we'll never know.

Okay, that's enough for today. Just a quick nursing side bar. I learned how to take a manual blood pressure yesterday and how to empty a catheter bag. Pretty exciting right? Oh the glitz and glamour of being a nurse's aide.

By the way, I think I'm braving the bikini....

The Reality of the Sponge Bath

2005-06-03T22:11:00.000-07:00

Today was my first day as a nure's aide. Today I got my first real hands on experience in what will be my future career. Today I spent the day wiping butts, giving sponge baths and making beds with clean linens. Today I was on my feet for an entire twelve and a half hour shift save my half hour lunch. Today I realized that I really am meant to be a nurse. A bit nerdy perhaps, but I am incredibly excited about it.

A Note about Sponge Baths- In the movies and sometimes on TV, a sponge bath is typically given by a hot nurse (me!) to a hot patient and there always seems to be more going on than a simple cleansing of the patient. I had quite a few sponge bath experiences today and none of them followed that standard framework. Instead, a sponge bath is purely for practical purposes and is typically performed by a somewhat harried nurse's aide who has a list of people and things that she needs to attend to running through her head. She's happy to do it, but it's not necessarily done for her pleasure or that of the patient, aside from the feeling of being clean afterwards. I am sorry to dispel the myth and destroy the fantasies of all you soft core porn lovers out there, but sponge baths are way more practical than pleasureable.

I'd love to go on about my day and the people I met and the things I learned to do, but I'm dog tired. The stories will have to wait for another day....

Wednesday, June 1st

2005-06-02T10:57:00.000-07:00

I like to think that I am pretty hip and on top of what's in and out in popular culture. I know that the road to becoming Mr. and Mrs. Britney Spears was quite chaotic for Britney and Kevin. I know that Paris Hilton seems to be the new it girl and can do nothing wrong in the eyes of our society. I know that the Backstreet Boys are allowed to make a comeback, even though the New Kids never will. I know that although leg warmers seem to be back in, fanny packs seem to be on the forever banned list. Okay, so maybe this limited knowledge doesn't make me one of today's trendsetters, at least I kind of know what's up.

In the interest of keeping myself informed I have decided (with the help of a few friends) to jump into the world of blogging; a territory that I am completely unfamiliar with. But, as a 25 year old about to reenter school and become a nurse, now is a great time to somehow document the experiences that I have in the near future. So, faceless inhabitants of blog-land, I have decided to share with you the ups and downs of nursing from a fresh new recruit who has only very recently entered the field. I hope that you enjoy; but if you don't, stop reading.

I understand that one of the great things about blogging is that one is able to voice their frustrations about something and send it out in to the great beyond. The ability to vent to the world but not face any real repurcussions is quite appealing to me, so I'm going to try one.

When you are driving a tow truck and hauling a car, please take the time to hold off on your telephone conversation long enough to ensure that the lane next to you is free before coming over. The innocent person is not only frightened by the sight of begin shoved off the freeway by your shear size, the ensuing swerving that occurs after a jerky correction will endanger those in the lanes around you. Yesterday I was almost sideswiped by one of these individuals, he had the courtesy to wave at me as he sped past after he had corrected himself. I assume all of you tow truck drivers out there have truly sparkling, busy social lives. But, could you put down the phone long enough to realize that you are not the only one on the road and those of us around you would prefer not to die a horrible fiery death due to your idiocy.

Okay, so it's not a really viscious rant, but it's the best I've got right now. Those who know me know that I apoligize to people who bump into me so even ranting at all is a big step for me. I'm working on it.

Until next time...